Becoming Whole Again
by aperfectsong
Summary: Ginny Weasley grew up during the war. PreDHPostHBP. 3 parts. I'd call this genfic, but it follows canon pairings and includes HG.
1. Part I

There's this dream she used to have where this one war would destroy everything, make them all start over, rebuild towns and homes and families. But it wasn't really like that. The world just carried on where it left off, passing over the gaps like a skipped stone, breaking the surface in certain places, but leaving only ripples in others.

I

It began on a beautiful June day: a few cumulus clouds lazily breaking up the intensity of the sun, the grass green and soft enough to lie down on. It was mid-afternoon and the sun was on its way back behind the horizon. Still, she felt the sun's warmth on her skin as it uncovered the freckles a long winter had hidden.

Ginny wore her hair up in an elaborate style that her sister-in-law had picked out, but parts of it were already falling into her face. Her shoes were set aside neatly under her chair, where her mother couldn't see them; she liked the feeling of grass beneath her feet.

Her family sat around her, laughing and talking as their wine glasses were filled. They couldn't all fit at one table, so they sat scattered: her parents next to her new sister-in-law's parents, Bill next to his new wife with Charlie on his other side, Ron with Hermione and Harry, Percy with officials from the Ministry. She sat in between Fred and Tonks.

She watched as Tonks playfully grabbed Remus's hand, causing him to turn an uncomfortable shade of pink before smiling at her.

"Excuse me," Charlie said, unrolling a piece of parchment. The talking stopped immediately, in the middle of sentences, words and laughs.

"I'd like to start off by saying that I never thought Fleur would give him a chance – I don't think she thought so either," he said with a nod to Fleur. Everyone laughed, but Bill's was probably the loudest and most distinct, almost like a yelp. "But we're all glad she did, aren't we?"

The party laughed together, but Ginny found she wasn't listening. As her brother continued to speak, her eyes drifted from table to table, from face to face. Her mother was crying because Bill wouldn't be her baby anymore, but Ginny knew that he hadn't been for a long time. Fleur and Bill's hands held each other loosely, as if they had all the time in the world. Even though common sense told her war was approaching, she still hoped they had all the time in the world. She hoped they all did.

As she traveled from face to face, she tried her hardest to skip over the face with the green eyes, but something about looking at those eyes unguarded made her stare. He looked only a little older, a little more tired than when she had last seen him – it wasn't long ago, but it felt like years and seconds both at the same time. He probably didn't count on seeing her again, and he hadn't so much as looked her way during the ceremony or said, "Hello" to her when he arrived. She wanted to cry at the thought of putting on her bridesmaid's dress, sitting still as her hair was charmed into place, thinking of him as her mother used make-up to bring out her eyes, waiting patiently for him to arrive and see her. He hadn't even looked.

Ginny glanced back toward Charlie and tried to stop worrying about the war and Voldemort and whether or not Harry's arms and lips missed hers.

"It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres," Charlie read. "Love never fails."

And Ginny thought about her parents because every other love she's ever known failed in the end. At Charlie's words, she realized that maybe she never knew love in the first place, and the thought almost paralyzed her. She saw Harry out of the corner of her eye and felt the familiar lump in her throat as her eyes began to tear. To settle herself, Ginny breathed deeply and blinked her tears away. After Charlie spoke again, the guests all lifted their glasses up in a toast and Ginny finished her wine in one long gulp.

--

"Read this if I don't come back," Harry said to her, a goodbye. They were on their way out, even though the reception was still going on.

She nodded, shaking the shadows that setting sun cast upon her face. He looked at her for a second, and she thought she saw _it_ in his eyes. But before she could be sure, he turned abruptly and walked toward Ron and Hermione; he spoke quietly to them before apparating away.

After he disappeared, she realized she should have said something.

So she whispered, "I love you," to the place where he had stood in front of her.

--

She took turns dancing with each of her brothers, her bare feet carefully avoiding their heavy shoes. The garden was dark, so her mum scurried around and charmed the flowers to glow.

"I'm dancing with the most beautiful lady here," her dad chucked. "I hope your mother isn't jealous."

Even though he was her father, Ginny blushed and replied, "Thank you." The way he smiled at her, full of pride, made Ginny realize that he meant it. She kept smiling and didn't think once about the boy with black hair and green eyes or the note that she charmed into fly to her bedroom window.

Ginny's dress floated around her as they danced and its careful gold color glowed in the light from the flowers.

--

Long after her hair lost its youthful shine, she would remember that day, the wedding, the war, the victory that stole the best years of her life; but she would remember them all together, as one instant. To her, the dancing and dodging curses would feel the same.

--

"We're leaving tomorrow," George told her and spun her around. "Our first mission for the Order."

_Already?_ She hoped it was something easy, something that wasn't terribly dangerous, but knew in her heart that every mission would be dangerous.

"Where?"

"It's so secret that we don't even know exactly." She didn't know what to say in reply, so she just held him a little tighter.

"Does Mum know?"

"Not yet."

When the song ended, he whispered, "Don't worry, kid. We'll be back soon," as he passed her to Fred for the next dance. She had barely placed her arms around his neck when he started to speak.

"I'm sorry that we're leaving too," he said simply. "But maybe you'll feel better if you know we're trailing them – Ron and Harry and Hermione." He said the last part in a whisper, so Ginny had to strain to hear it.

"But George didn't say—"

"I know. No one else is supposed to know. But don't worry, Gin. We'll all come back just fine."

--

Come back fine once, come back fine always -- it just seemed like a big lie to her. No one ever came back fine.

--

"What's going on with you and Harry?" Her breath sort of hitched in her throat, and Fred must have heard it because he started talking again. "We know something was going on between the two of you at Hogwarts – we have our sources."

"It doesn't matter anymore," she said and rested her head on his shoulder. "It's over." She felt her eyes begin to well with tears, but she blinked them away before they had a chance to roll down her cheeks and onto Fred's dress robes.

"I don't think so," he said just a little teasingly. "I saw how he was looking at you all day. George and I were almost going to pull him aside to give him a talking to, but then we saw that you were looking at him too."

"He left. It's over."

"Ginny, Gin. Look at me," Fred said and pulled her to face him. "Everything's going to be okay. He'll come back. I know it. We'll come back too. You don't have to worry."

She nodded, but didn't say anything.

"We have to think of a prank for Bill before he leaves," he said. Ginny smiled and told him all of the ideas she had thought about the past few days: charming him into a toad the next time he kissed Fleur, transfiguring the design on his tie into something pink and fluffy.

--

One moment, she was being passed to Charlie to dance and before she could remember which way to step first, she found herself pushed to the ground. A green light engulfed him and a moment later, his body lay on the grass beside her.

Ginny didn't scream. She didn't cry. With power she didn't know she had, her wand flew from the table to her outstretched hand before "Accio" left her lips. The white-masked man before her was stupefied before he could even raise his wand to her.

She was hit by a hex she didn't hear that made her left arm feel like dead weight, but she ignored it.

She didn't think. She had no time to think. She cast spell after spell at the white masks because it was easier than surveying the ground and finding out who the bodies belonged to…

She heard the Death Eaters. "He's not here."

"Then grab the girl. The Dark Lord wants her alive."

She saw another red-head jump in front of her and she could tell by the way he landed that it was Fred. He cast a spell that Ginny couldn't understand at the Death Eater nearest them.

"We have to get you out of here," he said. "They're after you."

"Come on Ginny," George shouted from behind her.

Ginny looked around to see if anyone needed help, to look for someone on her side that she could save. She saw Fleur still standing in her bridal gown, her hair falling around her face; a line of sweat coated her forehead as she uttered spell after spell. She stood back to back with Bill. With his long hair blowing in the wind, his wand raised, he looked more like a man to Ginny than he had when he had slipped the ring on his new wife's perfectly manicured finger.

Her parents stood together – her mother's eyes anxiously darted from child to child, almost as if she was counting and recounting them as the seconds slipped by. She must have known then, that Charlie had fallen, but still, she held her wand high.

Percy and Penelope and their friends from the Ministry all fought together, defending each other before themselves like Bill and Fleur or her parents.

What had to be seconds later, more Order members reached the wedding party by portkey and began to bind the conscious Death Eaters. More ministry aurors followed closely behind them.

It was ending.

Ginny raised her want to stupefy another Death Eater, but he apparated before she could see if the spell hit.

Soon enough, the curses and hexes stopped. The twins moved to stand on either side of her, but she said nothing. She looked down at the grass, carefully avoiding the bodies of the dead and the injured, and instead focused her eyes on the places where hard footprints had smashed the grass down and warm blood had mixed with the dirt. Her eyes fell to her bare feet, dirtied and red like the ground beneath them.

For some reason, she hoped no one would ever dance there again.

"Ginny?" Fred asked when they saw her blank stare.

"Older brothers are supposed to be invincible."

Then they followed her eyes.

-

As she sat in her dark clothes at the service, she remembered the way Charlie had carried her around on his back when she was small and how he was the first to acknowledge that she was growing up, how he hadn't made fun of her for her crush on Harry when she was ten, how when she came home after her first year, he hadn't treated her as something broken, but as someone who had survived a dangerous adventure. She remembered the way he petted her hair late at night after a particularly scary nightmare that summer and the way he didn't mention it at all the following morning.

She tried and tried to remember the speech he gave at Bill's wedding, but found she could only remember a few words because she had stopped paying attention when her eyes reached Harry. How could she have known?

She had always wanted him to speak at her wedding, if she ever had one. If she made it that long.


	2. Part II

II

She returned to Hogwarts in the fall and almost expected to find Dumbledore sitting at the Head's table, his blue eyes twinkling happily. But instead, the new Headmistress sat in his place, her lips pulled into a tight single line when she welcomed them back for another year.

The great hall seemed emptier every day.

There was no Quidditch that year, (too dangerous for that many people to be gathered into one place) so Ginny and all the other students attended classes, studied, and practiced defense late into the night. Students were routinely pulled out of class to find that brothers, sisters, parents, and friends had been murdered by Death Eaters, or tortured until they could no longer remember they even were wizards.

It was December when Ginny was pulled out of Charms and escorted to the Headmistress's office where she knew bad news awaited her. She wasn't surprised. Her mother had always said big families don't do well in wars.

As the Headmistress told her of his final moments, she stared at the palm of her hand and tried to count all the lines so she could lose herself in the consistency of one number following quietly, expectedly after the other.

She used to have six brothers - now she had four. It was easier somehow when she thought of it that way, when she didn't attach the names and the faces to the numbers.

-

Ginny was still at Hogwarts when it closed that spring. Somehow, a group of Inferi had made it past the borders of Hogwarts. Ginny was eating in the Great Hall when they rushed through the heavy oaken doors. Without thinking, Ginny cast a protection charm on all the first and second years she could see before walking toward the Inferi with her eyes blazing.

A few older students joined Ginny and the professors as they attacked the familiar faces one by one. She had been the one to hex Cedric and the one to end Percy's second life, despite the appeal he made to live.

"You're dead," she told him. "But I wanted to tell you that we never hated you and that we always would have forgiven you."

The Inferius just looked at her blankly from inside her brother's corpse.

"Incendio," she said.

When her family asked her about the attack, she conveniently forgot to mention that one of the Inferi had been using her brother's body.

-

Like at Charlie's funeral, Ginny sat between George and Fred at Percy's. She couldn't help but stare at all of the Ministry wizards, but her expression softened instinctively when her eyes reached Penelope. She looked on for a while at the sight of her face, blotchy enough to rival the face of Ginny's mother. She knew then that they had been in love. She could tell by the empty look in her eyes. She remembered the time that she had unknowingly ran into Percy and Penelope with their arms around each other and their mouths connected and wondered if either of them had ever thought (for the slightest second) if they'd ever be apart.

She watched Ron as tears began to fall from his eyes and then noticed her cheeks were wet as well. Fred and George held her hands tightly; she didn't want to look, but she could tell they were crying too. She tried to focus on something that didn't matter, like the texture of the ministry ceiling, but it just reminded her that Charlie's funeral was outside and they had wanted Percy's to be too, but he worked for the Minister and Ministry employees had their funerals indoors. She counted floor tiles but because she knew they were cold, she just kept coming back to Percy's lifeless body, no longer warm, hidden by an expensive marble casket.

She watched as a few wizards from the Ministry spoke about her one brother who kept his life private, except for his proudest moments - 12 O.W.L.S., his spot as Head Boy, his job at the Ministry. Percy was always the most independent of the seven. When Ginny was younger, she always saw herself as Number Seven, the one who broke the even set. But now, sitting with her remaining brothers, she realized that it had always been Ginny and Ron, Fred and George, Percy, Charlie and Bill.

She later heard that Penelope had been there when Percy was killed, that she was holding his hand when his heart stopped beating, that she picked up his wand and single-handedly caught the Death Eater who killed him, that in eight short months, she would name her son after his father—at that, Ginny wanted to cry. But she was glad that Percy's son would have one parent there to love him.

-

Ginny kept a diary through the war that she wrote in every night after her parents had gone to sleep. She sat with it, her quill hurriedly scraping the pages in the light of the fireplace. She sat between different Order members who'd always ask her what she was writing. _Eulogies_, she'd say. _Futures_, with a smile. _The lives of people who aren't around to finish them._ They'd leave her alone after that and just sit quietly, listening to her quill scratch against already-full pages.

A few years later, she'd read the stories aloud to Percy's son as they coaxed him to bed and much later still, she'd read them to Percy's two grandsons who grew up to be so proud of their Grandad Percy and his brothers, who fought in the war to take down the dark wizard named Tom Riddle.

-

She caught Harry's eye at the funeral, and he cast a sad glance in her direction that said, "I'm sorry about everything." But she couldn't face him then. She just looked the other way.

-

She saw the tired witches and wizards who returned to Headquarters late at night with blood dripping from still-open wounds or twitching in the aftermath of the cruciatius curse, too proud to take their injuries to St. Mungo's.

Every day, she prayed that none of her remaining brothers or Harry or Hermione would come in like that. She only wanted to see them if they were smiling, together, whole.

She got her wish that Christmas.

Ginny helped her mother decorate for their second Christmas at Number 12 Grimmuald Place. She hung stockings from the mantle and no one commented when she hung Charlie's or Percy's in the place they had hung the year before. She knew they still belonged there.

Fred and George were the first to arrive and brought with them boxes of their latest inventions to give out as gifts. Bill and Fleur arrived shortly after them with a few red and green boxes of homemade candies sent over by Fleur's mother. Penelope, with her stomach much bigger than it had been at Percy's funeral, was escorted by Remus and Tonks. Ron, Harry, and Hermione arrived last; half-way through dinner, but no one seemed to mind.

-

The following night, Ginny resumed her daily routine of scratching word after word into her torn diary. She was so intent on the paragraph she was working on that she hadn't heard him get up from his spot on the other couch until he was standing in front of her.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

Slowly, she nodded to his question and closed the diary. Hermione looked over with a knowing smile that Ginny tried her best to ignore. She followed him and tried to pay more attention to the feel of her bare feet on the cold floor than the body walking in front of her. As they left the room, she absentmindedly rubbed her bare arms, wishing she had grabbed the sweater her mother made her for Christmas.

He stepped into Sirius's old room and closed the door behind them. Before she could think or breathe, she felt his lips against hers. They were warm, _like his skin_, she realized when his arms encircled her. She felt her own arms drape around his neck and pull him closer. She closed her eyes and tried to memorize his chapped lips, the way his tongue brushed quietly against hers, the way his hands felt against her bare arms. Of course she didn't notice that when Harry pulled away, it took all the willpower he had. She only noticed that felt a strange sense of loss when his lips left hers, like somehow he had taken part of her with him. The sound of their heavy breathing sounded even louder in Ginny's ears as they just looked at each other.

Then Harry broke the silence.

"I want to tell you everything," he said.

She nodded because she couldn't trust her voice.

Harry told her about their trip to Godric's Hollow and how beautiful his parents' graves looked. He explained the "pieces of Voldemort's soul" and told her that three of them were already destroyed--the ring, the diary and Hufflepuff's goblet. He told her about the mysterious note signed R.A.B. and the fake horcrux that cost Dumbledore his life and about the journey they took to destroy the goblet and made her promise not to tell her mother that if it hadn't been for Hermione's quick thinking and careful knowledge of spells, they wouldn't have made it out alive.

He told her what Dumbledore had said about Voldemort underestimating the power of a soul that is still whole and human and confided in her that he still didn't understand how he could possibly use the power of love to defeat Voldemort.

They sat in silence again. The room was dim and she could barely make out the green of his eyes.

"I can't just sit and wait," she said.

"But I need you to be safe." The green of his eyes pleaded with her, trying to make her understand that he needed her--alive--that he needed to come back to her when this was all over, that he loved her even though he was too afraid to say it aloud.

"I--Harry, I'm not safe here. Nowhere is safe anymore. Dumbledore's gone, Hogwarts is closed, Charlie died at Bill's wedding while we were dancing, Percy died while Penelope was holding his hand. We were attacked by Inferi in the Great Hall," she said in a rush with tears falling from her eyes. Her breath caught in her throat, but she continued anyway. "And I'm going to join The Order when I turn seventeen."

Awkwardly, he pulled her towards his chest and stroked her hair. She was glad when he didn't lie to her and that everything was okay, that it would be okay. She was glad when he didn't tell her to stop crying.

When Ginny woke up the next morning, they had already left. She saw her diary sitting closed atop her desk with the fake horcrux resting on top of it.


	3. Part III

III

Ginny Weasley joined the Order of the Phoenix on August 11th, 1997.

She couldn't believe her mother agreed, but Ginny supposed she understood: she couldn't just sit, cooped up, protected, waiting for news as people she loved gave their lives.

She worked mostly in Diagon Alley, which meant she was able to stay with Fred and George in their flat when she wasn't working. It was the epitome of a bachelor's pad, but Ginny didn't mind. She actually enjoyed being there, surrounded by laundry and old plates. She even brought her diary and made notes in it, if only to keep her mind from drifting to other things--her brothers, Harry, life before everything had changed. She even helped test the twins' inventions - jokes and otherwise. She'd even cook with them on the nights they didn't go down to the pub for dinner.

Fred and George showed her that just because they were in the middle of a war, just because people were dying, it didn't mean they had to feel guilty about being happy. They showed her it was possible to be happy despite everything.

-

Ginny became one of the witches she used to write about when she returned to Headquarters in the middle of the night to nurse her injuries (not wanting Fred and George to think she couldn't handle it). It was on one of these visits that she happened to find herself in front of the Black family tree, staring at the burnt spot where Sirius's face used to be.

How could she have missed it? Next to Sirius's was his younger brother, Regulus Black who was a Death Eater. She wondered if Harry had considered the possibility that Regulus was R.A.B., but she figured he probably hadn't. The last time she saw him was almost a year ago – if he had thought of that, wouldn't he have come back?

She gave herself a job then: Ginny Weasley was going to find Slytherin's locket before Harry did.

-

Right before Ginny joined The Order, Tonks had been captured, but escaped. The thought of being captured terrified Ginny, especially when she noticed that Tonks' eyes carried the same pained expression that Ginny's carried so long after the Chamber of Secrets. Ginny suspected that she told Remus about her time spent captive and he had comforted her, but Ginny could tell it still hurt, that she still remembered, that she felt guilty for allowing herself to be captured. She kept hoping that Tonks never saw another dementor because she thought maybe there wouldn't be a strong enough memory of Remus for her to cast a patronus.

Ginny never told anyone, but every time before she left on a new mission, she'd feel as if she were walking through the veil. All through the war, she envisioned herself as the Weasley who would turn their numbers even.

Everyday, she wondered how long she had left.

-

Although Ginny prayed nightly that everyone would just stay safe, the war took Hagrid just after her 17th birthday party, and along with him, a few of the Order members who used to sit with her around the fire.

She had been there.

Ginny was on guard with Hagrid -- they started at opposite sides of Diagon Alley and every time they'd get close, Hagrid would wink at her and she'd laugh. It was supposed to be a safe day to shop – wards were even placed to prevent high apparation traffic.

Hogwarts was going to reopen that fall and Ginny was thinking about giving up her guard work to return to school for her last year. She knew Hagrid was planning to return as well. She kept walking and watched as hurried shoppers raced from store to store trying to buy their children's school supplies.

She blinked. One second she was looking at Hagrid from down the street and the next, a group of Death Eaters stood in his place. She blinked again as she pressed the coin they used to communicate with the rest of The Order, _hard_.

She stupefied a few Death Eaters in an attempt to reach him, but she couldn't tell if he was alive. _He had to be alive,_ she thought. There wasn't a green light. But she couldn't reach him - she couldn't get through the crowds of people running... The wizards and witches who had been shopping were apparating away - some were running to Three Broomsticks for the Floo.

Tonks and Remus appeared at her side and helped hex the slowly advancing Death Eaters. As she ran she heard a few more pops and recognized two of them as belonging to Fred and George.

She had nearly reached Hagrid when she saw a woman with long black hair coming out pull off her white mask.

"Crucio," she shrieked, and Ginny screamed. It was the second time that Ginny had been tortured, but still, she couldn't get used to the feeling. She felt the bones in her legs cracking and she fought to simply stay conscious. "I don't know why the Dark Lord has a fondness for you, always asking for you alive. Your screams aren't even amusing!" Bellatrix turned to cast the killing curse on a nearby shopper before and started to walk away.

"You're... just going to leave me?" Ginny asked with as much power as she could muster. "Afraid you're going to... kill me if you duel? Or are you afraid I'm going to kill you?"

"Ha ha ha," she cackled. To Ginny, the voice didn't sound human. "You would never be able to summon the hatred you'd need to cast the killing curse." She turned away again, her eyes darting dangerously from Tonks to Remus. She pulled something silver out of the pocket of her robe and used her wand to levitate it toward Remus.

"Remus!" Ginny yelled, only her yell sounded more like a scream of pain than one of warning. "Look out." A moment later, the silver necklace was fastened around Remus's next and he howled. Tonks rushed toward him to unfasten the necklace, and Bellatrix gleamed with a smile so large Ginny could see the places where her teeth had begun to rot.

"Crucio!" she laughed. "I remember how much you enjoyed that curse."

Ginny was momentarily freed, but she didn't feel that she could stand. Still, she managed to mumble, "Accio necklace," freeing Remus from his pain. He ran to Tonks' twisting body and tried to calm her.

Bellatrix turned to face Ginny and yelled, "Crucio," again.

Ginny tried her hardest to maintain control and not to scream. She couldn't very well ignore the feeling that her arms and legs were being ripped off her body, but she managed to say, "Is that the only spell you know?" but it came out as more of an exhale. She felt the longer she remained under the spell, the less control she had over her body.

"What did you say?" The pain stopped.

"Is... that... the only spell you know?" Ginny panted. Bellatrix just laughed and raised her wand again.

"Of course not, but it gives the best screams!" Bellatrix laughed. "We shouldn't have killed the giant right away - I bet his screams were hysterical."

Ginny tightened her fingers around her wand and tried to breathe normally. Bellatrix's laugh echoed through her head—it was the same cold laugh that tortured Neville's parents, killed Sirius, tortured Harry and Tonks, and killed Hagrid. She could feel something akin to hatred seeping through her pores, traveling though her blood stream. She held her wand higher and screamed, "Expelliamus. Accio. Stupify." The last word sounded sounded like she just exhaled it, or maybe blew it out like she would a candle.

-

Ginny would never tell that when she said those three incantations, she thought only of the killing curse.

Everyone else present attributed the green flash to a battle going on nearby, but Ginny knew. When they discovered that Bellatrix was dead, aurors explained it as death's way of catching up with her from Azkaban – they didn't investigate it. Bellatrix Lestrange was dead; it was a time for celebration.

She figured Bellatrix knew. With hell rushing toward her, leaving its trail of green light, she must have known. Little Ginny Weasley was no longer pure of heart.

She was a murderer.

-

Hestia Jones reached the scene next and managed to round up the five Death Eaters who hadn't already retreated. When she saw Ginny she thought the worst of the crumpled body and thought that Molly Weasley would never forgive any of them if Ginny was hurt, if she was... Hestia didn't want to think of that four letter word.

Then she saw Tonks and Lupin pull her up and congratulate her - she had hexed Bellatrix!

"Your sister hexed Bellatrix," she yelled to Fred and George as they started running to their younger sister.

Hestia was the one who looked at the stunned Death Eater and pronounced her dead. She was the one who sent the body to the Ministry to be destroyed. Puzzled at her sudden death, she chalked it up to a gift from fate. It certainly owed them.

She gave a loud woop before apparating away with the five of them to Headquarters, where she knew Molly Weasley would be waiting.

-

That night, The Order of the Phoenix celebrated the most they had since the war began two years before. Ginny found herself congratulated by Order members who she never met and who she never even heard of. _The wand of Bellatrix Lestrange became something of a relic_, she wrote in her diary that night. It was the first time anyone saw the youngest Weasley, the child who was possessed by Voldemort, as a hero.

Some of The Order members wondered why Ginny wasn't smiling, wasn't celebrating with the rest of them. When they saw the pained, far off look in her eyes, they blamed the phantom pain of the torture curse.

-

Ginny stayed at Headquarters under her mother's watchful eyes that week. She was _recuperating_, and waiting for the wards at Diagon Alley to be strengthened. Her mother knew it would take time, much longer than it would have if Charlie had still been there.

Molly's youngest—her only daughter was the only child she still had some sort of control over. She knew she couldn't shield her from the war, but she could suggest that Ginny finish with school, suggest that maybe war wasn't the best thing for a seventeen-year-old witch. It didn't agree with her skin and she certainly didn't like the aged, starved look that she often saw in old aurors appearing in her daughter.

Molly also noticed the change in Ginny's manner: she didn't argue, she didn't cry (even when crying would be understandable), she didn't get excited, she rarely smiled. She looked as if she was always on a mission, always working, always worried about everyone else without thinking of herself. While it was a noble quality, Molly wished that for once, her daughter would be a little selfish.

She wanted Ginny to survive the war. She needed Ginny to survive the war. _If anyone deserves a happy ending, _she thought, _it's my Ginny_.

-

Ginny spent her time at Headquarters searching for any mention of the horcrux among Regulus's things in the attic. But day after day, she found nothing. She cursed aloud when she realized that Kreacher may have taken it to the Malfoys' or the Lestranges'.

But it wasn't long until she remembered The Order's own thief: Mudungus Fletcher.

-

When Slytherin's necklace finally reached Ginny's hands, she could tell that if it had ever been cursed, it wasn't anymore. She found it in the possession of an elderly witch who bought it from a "nice traveling salesman." When she heard that it had once belonged to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, she agreed to let the young Weasley borrow it to ensure that it was safe.

She felt strange carrying something so invaluable in the pocket of her old robes. She checked and rechecked to be sure that the pocket had no holes before placing the locket carefully inside. When she apparated to a spot near Headquarters, she grasped the cold silver tightly in her palm, feeling that if she hadn't, it would have been left behind.

After thinking a long time about who she could trust to determine if the locket had been a horcrux, she apparated just outside the Hogwarts grounds. The sun was nearly setting, so Ginny hurried as best she could. Even thought she stayed out on guard duty all night sometimes, she was still afraid to travel alone in the dark. Her feet carried her down the familiar grassy path to the oversized wooden doors where she knocked loudly.

Filch grunted and almost closed the door at the sight of her (maybe more at the sight of Fred and George's jawline) when Headmistress McGonagall rushed up beside him.

"Ms. Weasley, come inside," she said. Ginny could tell that the Headmistress's wrinkles had grown more pronounced since she had last seen her a year ago. It was still September - maybe McGonagall thought Ginny was coming back. But Ginny didn't have time to feel guilty about the near-empty castle or the fact that she should have been taking NEWT's in at least five subjects.

"I need to see Slughorn," she said unflinchingly. "It's for Harry."

"Of course. This way please."

As they walked through the corridors to the dungeons, Ginny only saw a few students - mostly those who were studying for OWLS and NEWTS for specific careers. Most of the first, second and third years hadn't returned after the incident with the Inferi. As she glanced at the portraits, she realized that she missed the castle and that not finishing her NEWTS would really limit her choices after the war. But it wasn't the time for the selfish choice; Ginny had already made her choice: The Order, Voldemort's downfall, war. For her, it wasn't really a choice.

"I never had any doubts that you belong in Gryffindor," McGonagall said, breaking the steady silence that fell upon them. "You were always brave, noble and courageous. Even before your letter came back, I already knew you wouldn't return, not with the opportunities to fight against You-Know-Who. But you would have made a fine Head Girl."

"Thank you, Professor."

"Hogwarts will still be open to old students after the war, and I hope you consider returning for a year to finish your studies. I suspect you won't be the only one. I doubt I'd be able to keep Ms. Granger away, even if I wanted to."

Ginny half-smiled and said, "I'll consider it. Thank you."

Ginny had spoken to Hermione only briefly that Christmas night and knew of the older girl's plans to return to Hogwarts -- she wanted to eventually be a professor, any subject. Ginny thought it was more likely that Hermione couldn't stand to be away from the Hogwarts library for any extended period of time.

When Hermione asked what she was going to do after the war, Ginny almost didn't answer. _After the war?_ she thought. For some reason, she had difficulty picturing her life just picking up where it left off. She wasn't the same Ginny who kissed Harry in the common room after she had caught the snitch. She wasn't the same Ginny who joked or complained loudly or made fun of Fleur or Percy. She wasn't the same Ginny who had six older brothers and constantly felt a need to prove herself to them.

She was a soldier.

Ginny decided that after the war, whenever that was, everything would be different. She wouldn't have to bend herself to fit back into the mold of the baby sister, youngest daughter, perfect girlfriend. She could just be someone else.

She thought of her conversation with Hermione sometimes at night before she fell asleep, until her phantom pain would interrupt her thoughts and carry her back into the present tense.

-

"Ms. Weasley. Are you here to take advantage of my connections in the Auror office?" Slughorn asked her as he opened the door to his office.

"Not exactly, Professor." She reached into her pocket and pulled out the locket, setting it carefully, softly, on his desk. She watched as his eyes gravitated toward the shining silver object before speaking again. "Can you tell me if this was ever used as a horcrux?"

"I -- you know about... horcruxes? How?" he whispered with a scared look in his eyes. Ginny decided to ignore his question so he wouldn't run away before he could answer.

"I just need to know if this is a horcrux or not. I don't sense any power coming from it, but I don't know how to tell if the fragment of the soul has been destroyed, or if it was ever there in the first place."

He took the locket into his hands and pried it open. He stared at it for a few moments and then took out his wand and pointed it at the necklace.

"This locket is no longer a horcrux."

"So it was one at one point? You're positive?"

"I am positive."

"Thank you very much."

She was turning to leave when she heard his voice, "Tell Harry good luck when you see him again."

-

When she finished her mission, Ginny felt nothing, even though she knew she should be happy - it would all be over soon.

She just couldn't get the idea out of her head that she gave up a part of herself to use an unforgivable curse. She felt like there was a big piece of her just missing.

Or maybe it had been missing since the day Percy died, or Charlie maybe, or was it just the day the war began?

-

It was already December when Harry, Ron, and Hermione returned to Headquarters next. Harry looked tired, but she saw something in his eyes—ambition, maybe. The three of them had grown older since the year before, but otherwise, remained the same. They did have the same starved look about them that Ginny saw in her own reflection and in the faces of most of the members of The Order, which greatly irritated her mother. No matter how much she fed anybody, the stress, the fear, even survival nearly starved them to death.

The war had been going on too long.

That night, Ginny pulled Harry by the hand into Sirius's old room. She didn't put the lights out and kiss him. She just handed him the locket and said, "According to Slughorn, it's no longer a horcrux. But I wanted you to see it before I returned it."

He stared at her surprised. "But... how did you find it?"

"R.A.B. was Regulus Black, so I found out from Mudungus Fletcher who he sold it to. It took a bit of a threat, but he cooperated."

"Thanks," Harry said. "Then that means there are only two piece of his soul left – Nagini and the one inside of him. That means this war is almost over."

Ginny felt a great weight sitting atop her chest that made it hard to breathe: who would she be after the war? She wouldn't be able to hide behind the fascade of a soldier then -- she'd have to destoy her own barriers just as Harry had to sever his connection with Voldemort. But unlike Harry, she didn't know if she had enough of herself left to return to.

She almost cried right then, but pushed the emotion back. She put on a strong face and she told herself, "This is something I have to do on my own."

-

"This war is almost over." When he said those last four words, he could have sworn that a small smile crossed her lips, but when he thought about her face late that night, he wasn't so sure.

-

Before they left the next morning, Harry crept into her room to say goodbye. She heard him outside before he even opened the door.

"Are you alright?" he asked when he saw that she was awake, staring at the ceiling with wide eyes.

"Don't die, Harry."

He found the seriousness of her words almost comical and laughed a little before saying, "I'll try my best."

"No. Promise me. Promise me that if it comes down to your death to kill Voldemort, don't do it. There will always be another way. Promise me."

"I promise." He stared at her for while before taking a seat on the corner of her bed. He tried to memorize the light freckles that ran along her arms, the dimming, unhealthy color of her hair, the pained--almost lifeless expression in her eyes. He thought she looked a lot older than she should have, sitting there like that. Harry pulled her hand into his and pressed it against his lips. "I know you aren't okay. But when it's all over, you will be. Won't you?"

"I... I don't know. I don't think I can go back... Not anymore."

"Gin. I don't expect you to go back. It's been two years. Two years and you were right in the middle of it all. I think in some ways, you had it harder than anyone..." He paused and began to stroke her hair. He couldn't figure out how he could have expected to come back and find her how he left her. He was glad in that moment, not that she was hurting, but that she was growing, as he was -- so that when it was all over, they'd be right for each other again.

"Ginny, I--I heard from Tonks that Bellatrix is... gone, that you hexed her and..."

She looked into his face with her eyes glistening. Something about her looked so broken, so... incomplete that he didn't know if he should ask.

"You did _it_, didn't you?"

She just tilted her head forward, just the slightest bit. If he hadn't asked a question, he would have hardly classified the movement as a nod.

"It's okay. I won't tell."

It hit him hard then, that he loved her. It wasn't a gentle feeling that grew in his heart. It was something that could have knocked him off his feet, had he been standing. It was something so complicated that he didn't feel like he could explain it.

He looked at her and thought that maybe she could feel _it_, like he felt it. Maybe she could see it.

"I swear, after he's gone, Ginny. After he's gone, I won't be going anywhere... But I have to leave now."

"Just stay safe, Harry. I'll be waiting."

He kissed her forehead softly and closed the door behind him as he left.

-

Ginny was at Headquarters the day the war ended. She was sitting at the kitchen table with her mother and father and the twins, just waiting. They had made a large capture of Death Eaters the evening before, when they found out that Harry, Ron, and Hermione had defeated Nagini. The news came late at night, by Floo by way of Hestia Jones, who was stationed in a town near the battle site. Hermione had apparated there to let Jones know that Voldemort was next.

They had been sitting around the table ever since. Ginny could tell her mother was nervous for them, that she prayed constantly they'd come out fine, even if it meant they Voldemort left Voldemort alive.

Ginny just prayed for the end of the war. She knew Harry would take care of getting everyone back in one piece.

But still, she held Harry's goodbye note, tightly, even though she knew she wouldn't need it.

-

When the news came at last, Ginny's family ran outside to join in the celebration with the rest of the aurors and wait for their heroes to return.

Before joining them, Ginny held the note out, pointing her wand at it. She whispered, "Incendio" and felt the warmth from the small fire on her skin. She realized that maybe becoming whole again wasn't something she had to do on her own.


End file.
